Listen - One of The 77 Secrets

Welcome again to the 77 Secrets. Here's today's secret:


We are born with two ears and one mouth. It is advisable to use
them in that order. It really is a great skill to listen and here's an interesting thought. Long before you could read, you learned to speak and you did this, in the main, by listening. However, as we grow older, some of us lose this ability to 'listen' and choose instead to fill any possibility of silence with meaningless drivel.

The problem with this approach is that a lot of deeper
understanding gets missed. Like peeling back the layers of onion, the sweetest part lies in the middle, beneath those layers. If we listen, then gently question, gently probe, we peel back. Then gems of discovery await. But that will never happen if we are only interested in our opinion, OUR voice.

There is a real distinction between merely hearing the words and
really listening for the message. When we listen effectively we
understand what the person is thinking and/or feeling from the
other person's own perspective. It is as if we were standing in the other person's shoes, seeing through his/her eyes and listening through the person's ears. Our own viewpoint may be different, and we may not necessarily agree with the person, but as we listen, we understand from the other's perspective. To listen effectively, we must be actively involved in the communication process, and not just listening passively.

You see, it's like a radio station. There, the transmitter sends
out the message and they never really know that their message is
getting through until they start doing surveys, asking for
feedback, getting people to phone in etc. It's the same with a
conversation. The transmitter, or speaker, can talk until they are blue in the face, but unless you, the listener, question, respond and interject, then the speaker has no real idea that his/her message is getting through. Here's a quick trick for you as a listener and it's a great way to prove that you are actually listening. Let's call it 'bounce back paraphrasing'.

All you do is to listen to the last sentence that the speaker has said and then say: "So, what you are saying is: {Their last
sentence reworded or paraphrased}. This achieves two things
immediately. One, it proves to the speaker that you are indeed
listening and that instantly creates a stronger bond between the
two of you.

Secondly, it also removes any possibility of confusion, because
even if you didn't hear the meaning correctly, the speaker gets a second chance to explain their point. Of course, you can continue 'bouncing back' until the explanation is crystal clear. This is a great method and you can use it at work, with your children, in fact, it's an excellent strategy for you to use to strengthen any relationship. It's also a great way to slow any 'chatter box' down, as they have to stop and listen to you, to continue on.

So, there you have it, that's today's secret, it's to listen.

I'll have more for you tomorrow (if you've subscribed). I hope you enjoyed this secret, please let me know. Just go here and it should find me.

All the very best,


Allen Jesson
Energy For Life

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